Sunday, January 30, 2011

I will always love you Grampa

Neha comes to the park every evening holding her grandfather’s right hand. She loves the birds and the little puppy that chases them away. She giggles and claps loudly the moment the puppy starts chasing his own tail. Everybody loves and admires her. Some peck her cheeks and some pull them. She bears with the one who pecks her but she has no patience for the later lot. But, what can even the people do, she is a plump 3-year old toddler, with dimpled cheeks and speaks with a slight lisp. Simply lovable!

However, something is wrong today. Neha is not so happy, she didn’t even laugh at the puppy or the birds. She even tolerated with the uncle who pinched her cheeks hard. She just sat beside her grandfather on the bench, who was busy musing about his mundane life.

Suddenly Neha said, "Grampa, why didn’t you take me in your arms the first time you saw me?”

The question stumped grandfather completely. How did she know about that, must be his good-for-nothing daughter who visited yesterday, with her equally gossiping daughter.

Anyways, he has to answer Neha. So he simply said, “Oh! You were so small, I didn’t want to hurt you baby”.

He knew it was a complete lie. He was expecting a boy, someone who would take the lineage forward, not a girl. And when Neha was born, he was so dejected that he refused to even touch her.

He looked at Neha. She was staring at him, with hundreds of questions swarming in those dark black eyes. He just couldn’t look at her anymore.

After a few moments, Neha said, “I know grampa, how you were feeling, it’s the same as I felt when dad got me my Lucy and not a Barbie. I hated Lucy because I thought she was the reason why I didn’t get my Barbie. If Lucy didn’t exist, I would have gotten Barbie. But, when I got to know her, I started loving her so much that now she is my favorite doll. You must have felt the same grampa. But, now you know me and love me so much.”

Then looking straight into the teary eyes of her grandfather, she said in her little voice, “I will always love you grampa.”

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I dream of SRK

Love hurts like hell even after years. You may love him for years but the yearning makes the pain manifold. It’s a crushing feeling which drowns you without any water and you get so suffocated that you wish to die rather than just existing. It’s one of those oxymoronic extremes where you are killed by the very life essence that you are so much dependent on. So, how to escape such a situation? Well, there is no escape. You just have to bear with it. Unless, he comes by, drags you by your hand and pulls you in his arms. But, some things in life are just too dreamy and this is one such!

God, I am still dreaming about him. I just can’t afford to do so. I have to finish washing, cooking, sweeping, dusting. You, get the picture, basically the daily mundane household work, for which I am not even paid for. But, whom am I kidding? After all, my husband is no SRK and I don’t live in Mannat. And how could I even think of marrying someone like SRK. I am in fact lucky to be married at all. No sacchi, I am touching 30 and just a graduate. I never had a real career or anything, just some random jobs for a few thousands. I am not that pretty as well, of average height, and a little plump. But thank God, I have a fair complexion otherwise even Satish would have rejected me!

My parents started to look for guys when I was 20 and see it took them a decade to find a match for me. So many sittings, so many guys, not even a single one liked me. I was completely dejected and depressed. All my friends got married one-by-one. Matters became worse when even my parents started cursing, “It’s all her ill-luck, she was never one of those auspicious kinds you see”. I prayed hard, kept all sort of fasts, visited umpteen number of temples and showed my horoscope to babajis. But, nothing fruitful happened, all of them said, I am a manglik and so the difficulties.

Well! I even got married to a tree to get rid of my dosh. And that I think is what eventually worked for me. We got the proposal from Satish, a 40-year-old computer operator from Mumbai. I jumped at the proposal and gave my nod the instant they said yes to the marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I was not that desperate to get married, but I was desperate enough to visit Mumbai, the land of dreams, the land that houses Mannat, the house of my dream man, SRK!

I may not have aspirations in life, but I do have some desires and the desire to meet SRK had been the strongest of them all. I was in 12th standard when Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge released and I was instantly in love with him. I wanted a Raj in my life, who would come and sweep me off my feet. I eagerly waited for him to come by. There was in fact a Raj in my college, smart, handsome and arrogant. All the girls loved him, but what was important to me was that I didn’t even exist for him!

Alas, my Raj did not even turn up in the hundred guys who rejected me. And so here I am, sitting in my one-room apartment, dreaming about what life could have been if Raj would have been real and mine!

Good lord, one can’t even dream. That worthless husband of mine found this precise moment only to call me for reminding to book the cooking gas!

Anyways, I fulfill my trite responsibilities and finally am free to do what has become a daily routine for the past six months. I am blessed that my best friend gifted me a DVD player and a set of all the SRK movies. I watch him every day, wishing that some day he would come by and rescue me in his arms. Some things in life as I said are just too dreamy and this is one such! Wiping the lone tear in my eyes, I wait for the DVD to start playing. Today, its time for Dil to Pagal Hai.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A twisted love story…

Life in limbo is like your body floating in mid air and brain blissfully unaware of all emotions. It’s like being etherized before an operation, numbing all the pain. I love to be in this state, but am afraid that too much of limbo may turn me comatose.

But, hell who cares, I am already a vegetable, ready to be cut. My only wish is cut me up nicely, put a nice little dressing and serve me as a part of the salad. That way, I would finally get to be close to some hot tomatoes or smooth olives.

Oh! Lord, does this how every looser in this world fantasize? Or, is it just me, the greatest looser of them all?

I think I should turn a bit, my back is hurting now. I turn and the squeaky sound of the bed screams to me to get up. I hate that sound. Need to fix it asap. I have this compulsive disorder to have everything in order, be it the clothes, shoes, socks or even my toe nails, except my life. Soon without any real use it would become ‘out of order’.

So, what’s my big purpose in life? To hook up with the most beautiful girl in this world, to have equally beautiful kids, to have a triple digit salary, a big fat house, a flashy car. Oh! Well, those are for mere mortals, and I am above them all. I am God, no, better, I am a Greek God, with a hot body and a perfect face. So, now what do I want? An ugly wife, equally ugly kids and a pittance for a living, so that I can curse my ill-luck with all the might in the world. But, that would also mean doing something, right.

Fine, I give up, no one can survive without doing anything, be it a looser or a Greek God. So what do I do? I know. I will wait for her, wait till she finally decides to come through that door I have shut firmly on everyone. Will I let her enter?

Well, I will decide about that based on what she would be wearing that day!