Now

Grappling with the new reality. It is almost a month and yet it feels so raw. Doesn't feel as if she isn't here with us. I miss her a lot, our hour-long talks, our banters. I lost my sister. I miss her very much. The pain often streams down in tears, don't know how much more I can cry, but this loss has hit me hard. I had so much hoped against hope, that some miracle may happen, but nothing happened, she just left. All my assurances to her, all my motivations, nothing worked, nothing, we couldn't save her. She fought so very much, that brave brave girl. She fought with all her might to be fine, to live. She wanted to live, so very much. She wanted to see her child grow into a beautiful woman. She wanted to live her life to it's fullest potential. She endured everything with a smile, always being positive, always going through everything without a single bit of complaint. She did everything possible to fight and yet she went away.

Only solace, she went away peacefully, without the end days of horrific pain. She was weak, she was talking very less, but she was showing emotions. She spent time with her daughter, hugged her, loved her the previous evening. And then when she slept off, she fell unconscious and never woke up from it. Doctors tried but she was gone within a day. 

She went away and left us behind. That's maya, that's moh and it's bloody tough to get over it, especially of a young person who had such a potential, who had her entire life in front of her. 

That short life inspired a lot. I miss her immensely and will always do, and will keep her alive through her memories.

My niece is with me now, it's tough to not show my tears to her, because I need to be strong for her sake. She is coping, but is getting dependent on me, and always tries to find me around her. I hope I will be able to take care of her. 

Life has changed and so have I.

Just hoping that a few things will remain constant!