Annoyance and revelation

Got annoyed by some dickheads on Twitter, hardly a place to be annoyed, but dude, what are they teaching kids these days in school? What happened to basic health / sex education?

So, the context. Someone raised a valid point about the unavailability of sanitary products at public places. And, how women are often inconvenienced due to the sudden onset of periods and without access to pads, even in posh places like PVR and airports, it becomes a nuisance. Having myself faced it, I amplified her message. But, what triggered me were a few self-appointed mansplainers who said the following: “First of all women should personally take care. Why can't they have an aside while nearing that date”. "bitch carry your own disgusting blood apparell what's next you want a litter box cause you need to shit during a movie."

Yes, like any other issues related to women in the world, this is our problem as well, so deal with it, right?  

Had to give them fitting replies, which were duly provided.

Point is, how woefully ignorant most men are about women’s basic issues. If we could have controlled our periods, we would have never wanted to have one. And you know, men should at least go through one such cycle in a year. Maybe, then they would never make such off-hand comments about periods.

And, it has to do with how we have made it such a taboo. Even in my house, my mother kept asking me to hide the pads from my dad and brother. My brother being an inquisitive squirrel once chased me through the house to see what I was hiding behind my back. It was tiring. Thankfully, things have changed. Now, If required, I tell ma if I am on my periods right in front of my dad. Deal with it!

Think should talk about this topic in a story too.

Well, I can’t say that all men are the same. Many do understand, and some are even sensitive enough to treat you with juices and chocolates as well!

Which brings me to an interesting question that Dhanno had asked me. She caught me post-lunch once and asked, “You know, your friend there really likes someone. And despite quizzing him a lot, he didn’t give me the name. All he said is that he buys her chocolates and juices almost every day. As you two are pretty close, do you know who she is?”

Before I proceed further, this has been a constantly annoying assumption that I had to face due to certain friendship. And, it didn’t end there. I had a beeline of women – some seemingly sane – asking me, at times bombarding me, with questions about this particular gentleman! I don’t remember how I had handled those queries, but I did diligently give heads-up about certain ladies.

So, back to Dhanno. I could clearly see the color of my face vanishing in her eyes. I knew too well, there were only two women in question here, which I thought even Dhanno had guessed. She had cornered me pretty well. I blabbed some convoluted response, but she wasn’t leaving me. She needed a name. And, I wasn’t going to give her any. It was Dhanno after all, I knew it will become national headline within minutes.

Somehow steering myself out, and cursing the man in question, I finally gained my composure. That day, I knew a truth, and I hoped, with a tinge of hurt, that I should be at the wrong side of this probability. I didn’t ask myself why it hurt me or why was I so shocked at my own reaction. But that day I knew that the facade of my perfect life had started showing cracks and it will crumble very soon.

In retrospection, a couple of years later, the other woman in question, a lovely lady whom I liked too and thought was perfect for him, out-of-the-blue had assured me that they had tried and things didn't work out. The man in between had then embarked on an awkward almost-there proposal. It was the most painful situation for me. At that instant, I had to process three things -

1. Why was she assuring me? I had always wished them well and we never really discussed the man ever, to give her any indication whatsoever. That's when it hit me, unless he did. 

2. With his hands holding mine, it was clear. He was throwing everything out-of-the-window. There was no pretense. I can't appreciate it less how difficult it must have been for him. That vulnerability should have been enough and it was.

3. As much as I wanted to say yes, I just didn't think I was the right person for him. He deserved better. And, though I wanted to give the excuse of someone else being in my life, that was that, an excuse. It was all me. 

So, I told him a lie straight-faced and broke him. 

And with that I started my downward spiral too.

It doesn't do well to brood about past, but it does help to look at things from a different perspective. And, only with certain maturity and wisdom can we ever look at our past to understand it and learn from it. How does that help? It helps in identifying yourself, your patterns and rectifying them. And, I have been doing that for a past couple of years, re-building, re-orienting and re-casting myself, every day. It's been quite a journey so far.