Time to know

How do you know? What tells you that I need you? What makes you sit up and think of me? What and how?

I know, even you don't know. That's the beauty of all this, that this is. It's insane without any explanation, and frankly, by now, it has become my "new normal." 

I am not okay. I am struggling. I am overwhelmed and clearly need to come to terms with lots of things. I have been putting this off for a while now, didn't want to spell it out too - sometimes it's just the numbing of the mind that works. I know that because that's what had worked in the past. But no more, it just doesn't work anymore. As much as I try to numb myself out, try not to feel it, distract myself, try to fall into the old rhythm or just plain ignore everything, trying to just "live it out", I can't do that anymore. That mechanical existence is not just possible. 

Something always drags me out. That inner knowing, that god-dammit external pull that doesn't let me lose myself, that firm hand that is always holding me, that warm, fuzzy feeling that is wrapped around me - placing me in a bubble that can never burst - that and more, much more, beyond words, beyond comprehension just doesn't allow me to give up or feel despaired. 

Actually, it is far beyond this. I feel I am set on a path that is so much pre-determined that I am just rushing onto it. I am meant to walk that path without a worry in the world. As if everything is being taken care of. 

Why was I worried so far? Why didn't I want to get the clarity? 

Guess as I always say, things happen when it has to. Timing is everything. 

Somehow, I believe it's our time now. 

Live. Love. Laugh. Always 🪄❤️