Not today

Not in the best of moods. Things aren't that great with sis-in-law. We are all hanging by some slim thread of hope, don't know how long will that sustain. Thing is, we don't know, there could be some miracle, may be she has the luck to win this over, for now, we don't know. I see people around me accepting and even preparing. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go through this. 

Plus, I have a baggage with me. The trauma of losing my own mother at a young age, and when I see the prospect of that happening again, I can feel that pain manifold. I have been told to remain strong and resilient, to be there for my niece, to be there as a guardian, and most importantly, focus on my work. 

I hear all that, I know they are right, but for today I feel numb, I don't want to be rational. I just want to remain quite and try to let the thoughts pass. I don't want any sermon today, no advices, nothing. I just want to sit quietly with this sadness, this numbness. That's all.

Tomorrow will be another day, another hope or may be not, but tomorrow I will be better prepared. Today, that is another story.