What do I do?

Things are somewhat stable, post the false alarm we had a few days ago. But situation isn't good, it's just so grim at times.

I have a new dilemma, I want to have newfound hope, but then again, I am so tired of each hope shattering badly each time, I am scared of hoping at all. It's just too scary, uncertain and depressive. As much as I want to believe that things could get better somehow, deep within I don't want to give myself any false hope too. Kya karoo?

Anyway, have gotten back to working and also focussing on my niece. Everyone is telling me to be strong, as I need to be responsible for her and everyone around me. Yes, I agree to that, but it sometimes gets overwhelming.

Life is taking such a diversion. This life had been so so so fucking tough. I don't know why would I have choosen such a life, learning so many lessons in condensed form. I know bakwas kar rahi huin, but that's what it is. 

Life at this point sucks, but maybe, I still need to look at things that I should be thankful for and live for that. Maybe, that's what I should focus on. What say? What do I do?