Dear Universe

Dear Universe,

I don't know what's happening. I can't make a sense of it. All I know is, something is changing in the scheme of things. There is always this push and pull, the push to leave, to go out, to finally say, enough, I am out of this rut. I don't want it anymore, this is just too tiring, too painful. I don't want to live like this anymore. 

I want to talk to someone, someone who won't judge me, who will listen to me and tell me what a silly old fool I am and then say that I know what you mean my silly old soul. I know what you mean when you say that all this is futile, that all this just suffocates you and that you want to just leave everything behind and go out there, find the person who you are. And then, would say that you know what I am as equally scared as you are and I equally want to wander out like you want to, and while at it, why don't we do it together. Let's just hold each other's hands and trek through this, that's what we are meant to do. 

And, that's all, the path becomes easier, or at least seems easier. 

But that's not what I have right now. Yet the itch to leave and be on my path is not going away. I can't keep holding myself anymore. It feels like a volcano inside. I try to give excuses, let things settle, let material gain find its way in. End of it, all of them are excuses. 

I know it's all me. If I will, things will happen too, and all these excuses will just vaporize. So, at this precise moment, I am willing it all - wealth, health, fame, happiness, success. There, let me have it, let me be debt-free, free from the karmic debt that I have been carrying for so long. Let me have them so that I can just be out of this cycle forever. Let this Maya, the material world be done and dusted with. Let me be done with it, once and for all.

And now, give me what I really seek, my heart's desire. Let me only be filled with love and nothing else. That's all, that's what I want and seek. Just love, at it's purest form, something that is above and beyond this world. A love that can elevate you to any level, something that is so divine that you feel divinity in yourself. I see it in glimpses, feel it for a fraction of second, maybe. I want that, forever. 

How do I get there? What's the path? Please help me Universe, help me Baba, show me the path. I am ready to walk on it.

I have never been so raw, so true. That's a start. Then again, just learnt that if I don't really spell out truly what I want I will never get it. And, sometimes, asking for help is not a bad thing. Not everything can be done on its own. 

This one is on repeat, calming me down and helping me function. 

With love

A❤️