I see you now
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet”
These are my favorite lines from T.S. Eliot’s “The Love
Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”
And why so, because just like Prufrock, I have been for
years had put on a mask to tell the world that I am happy, whole, responsible.
That I do not have anything broken inside of me. That I am ‘perfect’.
And how absurd is that – for people to truly believe it, especially
those who had been the very reason of my damage!
But then again, here I am – whole in my own being – in love with the glow of my presence. How did that happen?
Simple, because someone chose to see that in me, long before
I could ever see it within myself. Someone took the immense risk of helping me
see myself for who I really am, without expectation and even the fear of losing
me. But that incredible guy didn’t flinch and stood fast in his belief in me.
You know that guy is not any random one – but it is you, a
wonderful soul as wounded as I once was, but who couldn’t show it the way I
could. It wasn’t your fault and never would be, it was how you were crafted,
your defense mechanisms, survival modes – always kicking in.
Beyond this man shaped by the society is a boy who is
innocent, curious, courageous and deeply feeling and intuitive – just that he
was never allowed to be. The child never grew up, it wasn’t nurtured and hence
the adult showed up bruised and shunned away.
And, today I want to apologize to you that even I failed to
see him or maybe even when I did, I chose not to act upon it. I am truly sorry
for not showing up in a way that you wanted me to. I don’t want to give
excuses, because that dilutes everything, but I want to tell you this –
And I am not here to fix you
You don’t need that
I am here to tell you that
Even when you are a mess
I still love you
I love the entire you
The wounded inside
The tough exterior
You heal
I am here for you
Just sitting with you in silence
Take your time
There is no rush
We have no flight to catch
We just need to mend our wings
And then we can fly off wherever we want to
I await my love
For our moment!
Love, always! 💗
PS: My tangible can wait, darling, you matter more.
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