A Letter To You

How do I address you? Dear, Dearest, My Dear or start with just a simple Hi. I leave it to you. Fill in with what you feel the best that describes what you are to me...

_______

I hope you are well. Actually, I sincerely hope with every ounce of my might that you are fine. But, then again, I know that defining "fine" is not easy. 

Is breathing and living each day on an auto-mode fine? Or does fine mean breathing and living each moment to its fullest?

Again, I leave it to you. How are you? ______________

I fail, I just fail. And, so, there is no point in trying too. What's the use? I will end up still thinking of you, every single moment of my life. 

You know, sometimes just this knowing is all that is needed. That "fine" is all that is there, isn't it?

Are there simulations that I run in my head? Oh! Yes, millions of them. The "What Ifs" and "What Wills". But, then again, what I have for now is this moment, this exact moment, and somehow I choose to fill this moment with you too. 

It's strange, isn't it, there are expectations and yet, it is so fucking peaceful.

This, that is there, is beyond any definition. It cannot be real and yet, it is. I feel it, and so do you, and yet, there isn't any equivalent to this feeling. 

Is this a curse then? They say, it isn't. It is rare. And, I smile dryly, thinking, "Normal would have been a better alternative. Just one of the millions, a part of the general crowd, without anything special." 

Then again, it is what it is. And, it is painful and peaceful, at the same time. How the fuck is that possible? Do you know? _______________

Somehow, I can hear you say, "Shut up, you are an idiot. There is nothing special. You are delusional." And, then some more rude remarks. I say, do better. This cloak won't work. 

It wasn't easy to be this. To express what it really means. Yes, it is just a glimpse, but even this is like the Pacific Ocean, calm on the surface, but no one knows what brews beneath. Plus, it still is an ocean. 

And yes, I am fine :)

With lots of love,

A

PS: You make me a better person, you do.