God

This isn't a topic I wanted to write about, but somehow I feel an urge to, and I have learnt to listen to my intuitions, yet again. This is not a treatise or any sermon. I believe that this is a very personal choice and no one should be forced to adhere to someone else's viewpoint on this topic. I am not very vocal about my personal belief in this matter too. Whenever asked, I give vague responses. Yet today, I want to share about my beliefs.

That ultimate is a friend for me, a guardian. I have never feared or have been scared of God. I didn't want to do anything wrong for the fear of punishment by the "Lord Above". For me, my Baba was a guardian, an angel looking after me. Having lost my mother at a young age, and trying to traverse through numerous challenges that life kept throwing at me, I don't know when or how I started creating a bond with the ultimate. I didn't have anyone, so the only one I could turn to was the most powerful of all. Interestingly, I was heard too! I got whatever I asked for. Anything. 

My wishes are granted. Soon I realized I could ask for at least one thing per day and that wish will be granted, no matter what. And somehow, till date, I have always used that wish for others, even random strangers. I have wished for healthy life for someone in an ambulance, a stroke of good luck for some auto driver to even wishing peace for a dead animal's or bird's soul. I have wished for near and dear ones too. I have wished and prayed for others, and the ultimate has been kind enough to grant them too. I remember wishing an exact TLC figure for my sis-in-law when the doctor has told her that it was the last day for her TLC to increase and if it doesn't the transplant may fail. The very next day, her TLC report had the exact number I had wished for. I did that for three consecutive days. It could be positive intent, but whatever it is, I get what I ask for. 

I believe in Karma. When I pray for myself, which I seldom do, I ask for my actions to be rewarded as per the work I have put in. Even as a student, I had asked God to help me remember what I had learnt and that I should be able to write those things in the exams! I just couldn't ask for shortcuts. If I haven't earned it, it wasn't for me. 

I am strangely attached to Shiva. Maybe because He is an outcast. He doesn't belong to that sophisticated lot. He is easily pleased. He gives and never asks for anything in return. It is just the sheer kindness of Shiva, who drank poison for others, to ensure stability in nature, without any consideration for his own wellbeing. That is the ideal I try to embody too, almost unknowingly. 

I believe in the Universe. Shiva is a part of nature. I believe in Him and especially the vast Universe. We are a part of this immense expanse. We are literally made up of what is found in the Universe. When we die, our bodies disintegrate into the Universe and yet again, we are molded out of the those very elements from the Universe. Paulo Coelho has explained this beautifully in "Brida". It's somewhat like the phoenix, and yet different. The mold is the body, which can be anything, the life that is inside is the soul that is eternal. By that logic, Earth is just another plane, and if our soul is capable enough, we can be anywhere, in any part of the Universe. I found some evidence of this theory when I read about what Buddha felt after attaining enlightenment, how he was so filled with joy and had said that he could be anything and be anywhere, and that it is only our human mind that is limiting our potential. Even Aurobindo said something similar to this effect. 

I get instantly punished. If I do something wrong, in fact, even think of something not right, I get a reality check instantly. From stubbing my toe to losing money to being betrayed by people, I have seen how my actions are given instant reactions. But I don't complain. I like these checks and balances, they help me keep myself grounded. 

I am not religious. I can't do it. I can't follow rituals, go to temples or do something random just because certain pandit or people have asked me to. I go to religious places if and when I feel like, sometimes, just to find some peace of mind. I have zero knowledge of how any ritual is being done. I just do what I feel fine, whenever I want to. Instead, I close my eyes, whenever I want to connect with Universe, and converse. And, I don't need to find a special place or time for that. 

I don't demean others. Just because I don't do or believe in certain things means that I should be dismissive about that or those who follow them. I know that everyone has their own path, own way of reaching out to the divine, right or wrong, who am I to judge. And often, just for the happiness of others, especially the near and dear ones, I do indulge in their rituals too. It gives happiness to see others happy. Why not, it is a good thing. Sometimes, doing something for others just for their sake is cool, even if it is something you don't believe in.

Lastly, it's just a energy, and it is everywhere. There isn't any shape or size or gender. It is just pure energy, that's what I feel and see. Yes, often the outlines help in letting the human mind comprehend, but it is this, incomprehensible, without any reference point. You don't see it, you just feel it. 

No, I am not a saint, neither I am a devil. I am just trying to live as humanly as possible. And I hope when I leave this timeline, I could say that I did justice to this mold. 

As for what will happen thereafter, I am sure, Baba will take care of it. Plus, there is always the Universe, where I could disintegrate. 

Blessed Be.