Change

Something is changing within and it's somewhat rapid. This is not overwhelming me, but calming me further down. Desires are no longer valid, nor are craving for materialistic things. Yes, I was never much interested in them or was driven by its gain, but now, it has gone beyond that. There is a kind of nonchalant attitude towards it. Guess, partly because I am seeing how money doesn't matter. It cannot get you everything in life. We are trying every other expensive treatments for my sis-in-law, but that doesn't guarantee anything. Can we buy her life with money? No, we can't. Yes, money is giving her options, and a way ahead but that's all. 

Then why have the attitude of a king when you have money or why run after it or even demean someone else? The other day ex said something about how we can be raking in lots of moolah soon and how owning a private jet may be realised as well. I kept quiet and didn't react. On being asked what I will do post getting the money, I simply smiled and said, "I will be going off to the Himalayas." And that may hold some truth too. I have always thought of what for tomorrow and beyond the top priority, there has been this one another important option - join CORD or go to Pondicherry (Auroville). Earning for my daily living isn't tough, I will manage just about fine.

Thing is, am I ready to do this? 

As a teenager, my friends had prerequisite for their significant others - looks, money, status, compatibility and what not. I had always been quite during such conversations, because I had weird requirements. I wanted to be with someone who thought beyond the typical, beyond materialistic gains, beyond outer beauty. For whom, kindness and compassion mattered the most, someone who is a fierce and loyal friend, and would have never made fun of me if I had said that I wanted to live in the Himalayas for 6 months to work with the women entrepreneurs at the grassroots level or learn the meaning of assimilation in Auroville or teach and play with kids in orphanages or simply talk to a friend in need for hours, even if that friend calls at the middle of the night. I wanted someone to understand that I am not normal per societal standards. I am a person with empathy and no matter what, that empathy cannot die within me.

What I learnt instead - Life doesn't go as we plan. 

The blatant showcase of materialism disgust me. The other day, I visited a well-known family office and their literal office was more of a curated art gallery than a corporate floor. Even the mundane looking glass flask placed on one of the many tables in the waiting lounge was an imported piece, costing lakhs. While the beauty was striking, I somehow could only see some starving kids in some dark corner of the world who could have gotten full meals for months in lieu of this one vanity piece. And, the floor had many.

I might be ranting today, writing from the hospital room, as I attend to my sis-in-law's sister who is awaiting to donate stem cell tomorrow. This hospital always makes me confront reality in a stark manner. Life and death are two sides of the same coin and somewhat that coin has no relevance!

Pray, that's all I could do for now. As for the other things, change is the only constant and I am embodying it too.