Crazy!

It had been a crazy fortnight, too much of travel and stress. At times, I had just crashed onto the bed post the entire day's work. Then there was rain. I love rain, but Between Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai, I had been seeing constant rains for 15 days flat, which made me depressed. I needed sunlight. It just was too morose. Only after coming back to Delhi and finally getting some sunlight, I felt somewhat good. I can safely say that now I can identify with Jaadu, and I know what it means to say "dhoop" 😆.

So, what kept me going? 

There had been a mix of things. 

Foremost, this was mind-numbing. Work is definitely the ultimate opium. It just dulls out everything, at least for that time being. 

These are high-stake prospects. No, nothing is set yet, but I am hoping for the breakthrough. I really need this, so that I am able to gradually unburden myself. 

Don't know if it is good or bad, but for the first time ever, my immediate family got to know what I really do! I mean I had to involve my brother in some work, so now they know. 

Fun part is, how everyone just reacts to money. And, I mean everyone. I know how people around me are using me too. I see that, I know that, and interestingly, I am still letting myself to be used. Why? I am not confident of the reasons though, but I can say this that besides the fact of earning enough to safeguard my future, I feel as if there are certain debts I have with these associated people, and that's the cycle I am about to break now. It just feels right to go through this motion for now, because this is going to end soon, and I would be free of all these karmic debts. I have started listening to myself and believing in myself. And my core self tells me that despite all these things that I am going through and despite knowing the futility of it all, I just need to go through this. Maybe, that's the reason why nothing much impacts me or matters to me anymore. 

All this is an illusion and I often smile at it. They just don't know what they are doing, just as any religious text will attest. 

But I do need to share something, which disgusted me to the core. So, this happened in Mumbai, where we went to meet some potential investors in an elite and exclusive club. This one is established before independence and to say that they are stuck in their colonial way would not be an exaggeration. What disgusted me? There were too many things by which I could have been offended, but the literal one was a small bell kept at the center of the table, around which we sat. I had no clue what it was for. Only when our host, also the member of the club - who in not-so-subtle words told us that the membership runs through generations in his family - picked the bell and started ringing it. That's when the waiter arrived to take the order. That act of demeaning another human being just disgusted me to the core. Actually, most of these archaic clubs are the same, here money can't buy you privilege, you get your privilege as a birth right! And, most often these are some of the most undeserving Cs in the world. 

The only silver lining to this meeting was a funny incident, wherein this person, who seemed more like a local goon than an investor, suddenly told my Mumbai partner in a passionate tone, "You know where you are. This is where everything ends. This is the end." At that moment, I seriously thought that this guy is now going to take out a gun and shoot us all down. I glanced at my partner and he gave me a sly smile too, clearly thinking the same thing. We laughed our gut out once we came out of the meeting. 

Wow! The kind of characters I have met in the past few days. It's hilarious. I should write about them, in some book. And, that gets me back to the one that I have nicely abandoned after the first draft. I need to set a deadline. Okay, so here it is. There is a significant date, and let me see if I am able to get it published by then. What's that date? Nah! Not giving that away for now 😈.

Exhausted. I have lots of catching up to do. And, yes, I am going to run again in a few days. And, as always, blessed be.