This is crazy shit!

I have never had grace working for me like this, ever. Someone up there is determined that I should get my happiness. Yesterday I said I was scared and that I wish I had a friend telling me that I have your back, and that I was doing the right thing. Today, universe made sure that I get what I needed.

A very dear friend is in India. He is literally my Man Friday. Having had a similar story of childhood abandonment because of our mothers, we know what it means to really doing anything for anyone for being validated and to get the love that we didn’t get from our most important relationship in our lives. We have been two idiotically stupid people who kept giving for others happiness, never prioritizing ourselves. Only because, it meant that we will be loved! The programs that we really ran with. We exchanged notes on what had happened over this year and realized how much as individuals we have changed over the last decade. It’s just crazy.

However, what was crazier is that he told me exactly what I needed to hear. By the end, I told him, “You are too kind Shiv, I have a feeling you are restraining yourself from giving me a piece of your mind, just because it is me. Had it been anyone else, you wouldn’t have explained in such a sweet manner.” To that, he confirmed saying, if it had been a guy friend, it would definitely been inter-spread with lots of abusive languages. Bottomline, he said, I need to get out of it, no questions asked. Key is to distance myself, and that’s exactly what I have been doing. There isn’t any other way out of a scary, possessive situation. No, he doesn’t know everything, but enough to understand that this is not a situation I should be in.

It feels good to have a friend who says, “I have your back.” Actually, I have a handful of these people, people I can trust and count on. Talking to him, I realized, I do need more strength and I will talk to this cohesive circle of mine, who no matter what always have my back. They love me so. At times, if I don’t call them for a long time, I get abusive texts from them asking me if I am alive. It feels nice to know that you matter for some people, right.

And, I did tell him that I am writing a book. He is the first person I have vocalized this to, outside this blog.

Also, I told him about other things and aspirations. Great to get some male perspective, especially from someone who knows what and why I think in a certain way. He simply said, “I know you. If you have to do something you will do it. And it will be as subtle as a car wreck! There is no right or wrong about it. Point is, it is not always either dive in or don't swim at all. Sometimes, you can also dip your feet and see what happens. I believe your happiness is important and you should certainly choose your happiness now. Do what makes you happy.”

I hear you and I am definitely choosing my happiness, no questions asked. And no, I am not going for a car wreck this time!

The journey through this book is changing everything about me and I am loving it.

And, I promise, I will be back to my stories from tomorrow onwards.