Tamasha and wishes...

Just back from the trip. Tired and exhausted. Yet, I am here, writing. I often wonder why? Frankly, I don’t know, except that it feels good, good to be able to be who I am, without any pretense, without anyone telling me that I am not good enough or stupid or too silly. It doesn’t bother me anymore, I do what I have to.

Seen Imtiaz Ali's Tamasha? I can identify with Tara. It’s so surreal. While life doesn’t stop for anything or anyone, it often doesn’t remain the same for a few people. I have seen people living in the same grind year-after-year, compromising, but never daring to get out of the rut, even when an opportunity presents itself. They are the cog-in-the-wheels and they are happy or at least made peace with who they are. Problem is with people like us. We can’t be staid. I tried and failed. The itch was too much for me to handle. I had to know, no matter what. Unlike Tara, I lacked courage. But just like Tara, when it was done, it was done. There was no looking back. There was / is / will be no moving on. I am at my destination. It is beautiful and I am happy. I am not moving my ass anywhere, no sir, thank you very much! I like it here, it’s just that I wish…

Since the last few weeks, I am feeling a strong pull to visit Banaras, a place I have never been to. After long, this wish of visiting a place has emerged. Besides the lure of visiting Baba at Kashi Vishwanath, I want to meander into the age-old streets of this ancient city, soak in its energy and sit quietly at the ghats of Ganges. As I center myself more, with the masculine finding its voice, through its power and authority, I somehow believe I will find my inner confluence in Banaras. Some places have such energy. Don’t we like going repeatedly to certain people’s home or visiting some specific places that make us happy or give us peace? Have you ever wondered why?

There is so much to write, but my thoughts are scattered. My eyes are dropping. So, signing-off today! Happy Holi!