Need answers

Just yesterday I was musing about finding your true self, being limitless, and today, I was confronted with my integral self. Something happened that tested my limit, and despite everything I just didn't behave the way a normal person should in such situations. 

So, penning it down. Maybe will get my answers.

I have always been this emotional fool, reason why I keep getting dragged into situations. Thing is, how to be practical and think logically. And most importantly become strict and non-effected, detached. No matter what happens, I should be this ice-cold person, not even showing an iota of emotion. How do I do that? Why can't I be clinical? Why can't I just become cold-hearted? 

I can't. I can't do that. I have too much patience. Why conventional solutions that people tell me to implement doesn't make sense for me? Why they just feel wrong? What's wrong with me? 

How can I be this calm and composed person despite knowing and seeing how things are turning around me? Where is this cool energy coming from? 

Mujhe gussa kyu nahi ata? 

Why for me everything has a solution in love? Why am I feeling immense love for everyone around me? Why no one annoys me? What's happening? 

Please give me answers universe. I need to know why I am like the way I am? And if this is the integral me, then how do I accept myself? This world order won't suffice. I will never fit in, which doesn't bother me, why?

And the thing is, I can't even share all this with anyone. No one will understand. No one. 

This journey isn't easy, still need to walk forward. 

I just hope to get my answers soon.